The hizzy

The House: If I had rafters in my house, they, too, would be full of bikesLittle Rock's finest hipster-leaning after-work coffee/beer/burger dispensary, The House, is closed much of this week for some sort of renovation. They're adding wines and beers and entrees, all of which I'm sure will be delightful. The only thing I've had there that didn't meet muster was a portobello that should have been retired and turned into Soylent Green about three days earlier. But c'est la vie: The House is, for a lot of us social workers, a fine office away from home. The service has always been exceptional, the occasional live music delightful, the scene indispensable. I'm the sort who finds it difficult to work alone in a quiet room largely because I worry that somewhere a brainy dame is sitting in a coffee shop waiting for me to walk in, and because there's no other way to write a ballet review than with a draft pint at hand, and the House is positively lousy with pints and dames. Plus it's about four minutes away by bike. This, friends, is why people live in town.

Not that my two cents is worth a nickel, but while the House is closed, I could offer one suggestion for an upgrade: Change the name. For the love of Pete, change the name. I've actually had the following conversation on the phone while sitting there:

"Hello. Yeah, I'm at the House. With a capital "h." Right, not at home -- at the restaurant confusingly named after my place of residence."

My friends and I have taken to calling the place "the fork house," which I assumed was the name of the joint when I saw its logo. Because who would name a restaurant "the House"? That's the name of the place where everyone spends at least half their time. The place where we tell people to come over to, to meet us. It's a name so blatantly confounding that it got me thinking of suggestions for a little switcheroo.

The Restaurant. This would be a terrible name, yes, but a marginal improvement. Because then the friends you're trying to meet wouldn't accidentally come over to your house when you're not there.

On the Job. Fun only when friends ask you where you're drinking.

On the John. Fun especially when asked where you're having dinner.

The Fork House. They can keep the same logo, at least. And "fork" is fun to say.